Have you ever told your child to pay attention, only to find yourself repeating the same instruction five minutes later? Maybe your child keeps getting out of their seat, shuts down when something gets difficult, gets frustrated over a simple assignment, or seems to have a hard time getting back on track. As a parent, it can be difficult to know what to do in those moments. You want to help your child, but sometimes it feels like nothing you say is working. Here's something I want you to consider: What if, instead of focusing only on what your child is doing, you took a moment to understand what they might need? That's where the Brain Buddies come in!
The Brain Buddies are seven characters I created to help children recognize their essential needs and learn practical ways to support themselves. Each Buddy represents one of the seven essential needs: Stability, Connection, Acceptance, Value, Honesty, Clarity, and Trust. Let's get to know them!
Meet Your Child's Seven Brain Buddies
🐘 Stella | Stability
Meet Stella! Stella represents your child's need for stability.
Think about those moments when your child is tired, restless, overwhelmed by their surroundings, or having a hard time settling into an activity. Sometimes, before they can focus on what you're asking them to do, they need help feeling more settled and ready to participate. Stella helps you teach your child to recognize when they might need movement, rest, a predictable routine, or a little time to reset. For example, if your child keeps getting out of their seat during homework, you might help them recognize that their body needs movement. Instead of turning it into a battle over sitting still, you can teach them to take a movement break and then return to their work.
🐼 Connie | Connection
Meet Connie! Connie represents your child's need for connection.
Your child may have a hard time focusing because they're thinking about a friend, missing someone they love, or needing reassurance from you. Sometimes, what looks like distraction is an opportunity to check in and find out what's on your child's mind. Connie helps you teach your child to recognize when they need connection and how to seek it in healthy ways. Maybe your child keeps interrupting you while you're trying to work. Before assuming they're simply trying to get your attention, take a moment to find out what they need. A little time together or reassurance might help them feel ready to move forward.
🦎 Ace | Acceptance
Meet Ace! Ace represents your child's need for acceptance.
Have you ever watched your child get frustrated because they couldn't do something correctly the first time? Maybe they erase their work repeatedly, refuse to try something new, or give up because they're afraid of making a mistake. Ace helps you teach your child that making mistakes doesn't mean they've failed. They can acknowledge that something is difficult, ask for help, and keep learning without expecting themselves to get everything right immediately. When your child gets upset over a wrong answer, you might say, "It's okay that you got that one wrong. Let's figure out what happened and try again together." You're helping them learn how to respond to mistakes instead of feeling like they have to avoid them.
🦚 Val | Value
Meet Val! Val represents your child's need for value.
Sometimes, your child may struggle to engage with an assignment because they don't understand why it matters, don't see how it connects to their goals, or feel discouraged about their progress. Val helps you teach your child to recognize their strengths, understand the purpose of their efforts, and set goals they can work toward. For example, if your child keeps asking why they have to complete their homework, try helping them understand what they're learning and why it matters. You can also set a small goal together so they have something meaningful to work toward. The idea isn't to convince your child that every task is exciting. It's to help them recognize purpose and see the value in their effort.
🐻 Hon | Honesty
Meet Hon! Hon represents your child's need for honesty.
Sometimes, your child may say they're fine when they're actually frustrated, insist they understand something when they're confused, or struggle to explain what's bothering them. Hon helps you create opportunities for your child to communicate honestly about what they're experiencing. You might ask, "Can you tell me what's really making this difficult right now? You don't have to pretend that everything is okay." When children feel supported in expressing what is happening, you have a better opportunity to understand the situation and help them figure out what to do next.
🦉 Clara | Clarity
Meet Clara! Clara represents your child's need for clarity.
Imagine asking your child to complete an assignment, only to find them staring at the page, avoiding the work, or getting frustrated when you remind them to get started. Before assuming they aren't trying, consider whether they understand what they're supposed to do. Clara helps you teach your child to ask questions, break instructions into smaller steps, organize information, and recognize when they need additional explanation. Instead of repeating, "Just follow the directions," you might sit down with your child and ask, "Which part are you unsure about?" Sometimes, helping your child understand the first step is what allows them to move forward.
🐢 Trey | Trust
Meet Trey! Trey represents your child's need for trust.
Your child may hesitate to start an unfamiliar assignment, worry about what will happen if something goes wrong, or feel uncertain about handling a difficult situation. Trey helps you teach your child how to approach uncertainty by asking questions, making a plan, seeking support, and taking manageable steps forward. For example, if your child says, "I can't do this," you might ask, "What would help you feel ready to try the first step?" You're not asking your child to pretend they aren't worried. You're helping them learn that they can acknowledge uncertainty and still take action with the right support.
How Do You Know Which Brain Buddy Your Child Needs?
Now that you've met all seven Buddies, you might be wondering how to know which one to use when your child is struggling. The first thing I want you to remember is that you don't have to use every Buddy every time your child has a difficult moment. Start by slowing down and looking at what's happening. If your child is struggling with homework, for example, ask yourself:
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Is something in their environment distracting them?
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Are they tired or in need of movement?
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Are they worried about making a mistake?
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Do they understand what they're supposed to do?
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Are they feeling discouraged or uncertain?
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Is there something else on their mind?
Then, help your child identify what they're experiencing and decide which Buddy might help. Remember, the behavior alone doesn't tell you exactly what your child needs. The goal is to get curious, ask questions, and help your child learn to recognize their own needs over time. You may need to guide them through the process at first. That's okay! You're teaching a skill, and skills take practice.
Let's Help Your Child Put the Brain Buddies Into Practice
Learning about the seven essential needs is a great starting point. But the real goal is helping your child use that understanding in everyday situations. You want your child to gradually learn how to notice what's happening, recognize what they need, choose a strategy, and return to what they were doing. That's what we're working toward: not simply getting your child to follow an instruction in the moment, but helping them develop skills they can use again and again.
Ready to get started?
The Brain Buddy Self-Regulation Kit can help you bring these ideas into your everyday routines and give your child opportunities to practice self-regulation with your support.
Explore the Brain Buddy Self-Regulation Kit →